Valentines Day 2007, no chocolate for me, a liquid diet, countdown…twenty four hours to my lap band surgery.
On the blistering cold morning of my surgery as I waited for the bus to take me to the hospital with the bitter winds whipping across my face I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Shouldn’t I try one more time to tackle the weight issue myself? I know the answers I know what to do… eat less and move more it’s really quite simple. After all, I’m an intelligent, strong and determined woman.
As I walked into the operating room, shoulder to shoulder with my surgeon again I briefly questioned whether I was doing the right thing and realized, yes, I am a strong woman, smart enough to know when to reach out for help. It was five days before my forty-eighth birthday and I was on the verge of giving myself a gift, a powerful gift, one more freeing and liberating then I even knew possible at that time. Onward through the fog!
Time passes, it always does the lap band procedure is behind me, the future is before me, and what I make of it is up to me. It’s said there are many different stages of grieving, in my opinion the same was true regarding the surgery.
I experienced sadness, anger and frustration, individually and in combinations during this time. I participated in every function offered by the hospital, whether it was support meetings, groups walks for charity or social dinners in which we were taught how to select appropriate meals to embrace this new way of life. I learned from each experience, sometimes more sometimes less. I met fellow lap banders along the way who were in a rush to lose their weight. I myself needed some time, I had been large for so long that I needed to get used to the changes that were taking place. I underwent surgery to become thinner and now I wanted to take my time in getting there, perhaps that sounds absurd however I was more familiar with being fat than thin.
When you’re fat, as ridiculous as this is going to sound, you are invisible out of the running for so many things in life. Up to now, fat had been my reality. The attention I started receiving was unfamiliar, so I approached my weight loss slowly and with care. I didn’t beat myself up for not dropping the weight as quickly as some of the other lap banders, I was in the process of learning new things about myself and enjoying this journey into this exciting uncharted territory.
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